Update, poem & a song (usual crap)

Harry has been really poorly today! He is teething; he was really bad yesterday and his cheeks were bright red, so I gave him calpol. Thankfully the calpol worked really fast! This morning he woke up extremely smelly so I decided to change his nappy first despite my mum telling me I should give him his morning breastfeed first…I had a bad feeling and I was right! His bottom was burning bright red and he screamed with pain as I cleaned him 🙁 I could tell by the smell and the fact I had to use a bit of metanium on his bottom last night as I could see faint redness starting to form that Harry was having another awful nappy rash episode from his teething! In the end Harry had three dirty nappies in the space of one hour and it was awful cleaning him up because his bottom hurt him so much. Thank goodness I have plenty of metanium! Harry had a good breakfast of toast and fruit and after brushing his teeth I gave him his second breastfeed and he actually fell asleep! He’s fast asleep now. I had to change his cot bed sheet as his dirty nappy was so bad it leaked onto the sheet 🙁 Poor thing! Still he’s cleaned up and comfy and asleep, that’s the main thing. With all this court business going on I just tell myself that it’s me that does the hard work and looks after Harry, on the weekend Will and his family have a good time with him for three hours but I do all the caring. They have such a good time with Harry because of me; I look after him and make sure he’s fine. That’s what a mother does so I shouldn’t really feel hurt by Will and his family; I’m the one who takes care of Harry.

Untitled Poem from 2005 (aged 17!)

The silver curtains of the night part

Golden sunshine begins to sing to my heart,

As it beats for a longing to be open and free

From this constant battle to be who I want to be.


The rain washed away the storm raging within

My eyes crying dew drops that sparkle on my skin,

Oval diamonds magnifying each faded, torn line

The pain twisted and bent as the crystals shine.


Walking barefoot on the wild, emerald grass

Water sitting so still as if made of coloured glass,

The girl I want to be swims freely in my reflection

Bearing no injuries of the sadness and rejection.


I reach out to touch this magical happiness I see

But in a series of shimmering ripples she escapes from me,

My tears break the dreams in her hopeful face

The reality is I’m trapped in this careless, cruel place.


Away from the loneliness I want to run

And let the bad memories burn in the sun,

How can I reach the girl in the water, now dying?

It’s almost gone; this strength I use for trying.


The silver curtains are closing and I’m on my own

No one to miss me, find me or take me back home,

Into myself I jump whilst the curtains turn black

Here I drown with my dreams; never to come back.


Evanescence are my absolute ultimate favourite band of all time <3

3 thoughts on “Update, poem & a song (usual crap)”

  1. Hope your wee boy feels better soon.. teething is the pits! I have a 2 year old and know how it feels, it’s horrible when they have a sore bum I used to feel so bad cleaning it when she was screaming! Whoever invented calpol deserves a medal fabulous stuff!

  2. Now I want to dig out all my old Evanescence sheet music. I loved to play it on my piano and sing along. All those memories, I think I’m gonna feel like being 16 again tonight. 🙂

  3. Hi RebelDemon, Hope your baby is feeling better. You have a beautiful precious baby! There is no greater love than a Mother’s Love. You are doing a great job. Take care!

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