Harry has been really poorly today! He is teething; he was really bad yesterday and his cheeks were bright red, so I gave him calpol. Thankfully the calpol worked really fast! This morning he woke up extremely smelly so I decided to change his nappy first despite my mum telling me I should give him his morning breastfeed first…I had a bad feeling and I was right! His bottom was burning bright red and he screamed with pain as I cleaned him 🙁 I could tell by the smell and the fact I had to use a bit of metanium on his bottom last night as I could see faint redness starting to form that Harry was having another awful nappy rash episode from his teething! In the end Harry had three dirty nappies in the space of one hour and it was awful cleaning him up because his bottom hurt him so much. Thank goodness I have plenty of metanium! Harry had a good breakfast of toast and fruit and after brushing his teeth I gave him his second breastfeed and he actually fell asleep! He’s fast asleep now. I had to change his cot bed sheet as his dirty nappy was so bad it leaked onto the sheet 🙁 Poor thing! Still he’s cleaned up and comfy and asleep, that’s the main thing. With all this court business going on I just tell myself that it’s me that does the hard work and looks after Harry, on the weekend Will and his family have a good time with him for three hours but I do all the caring. They have such a good time with Harry because of me; I look after him and make sure he’s fine. That’s what a mother does so I shouldn’t really feel hurt by Will and his family; I’m the one who takes care of Harry.
Untitled Poem from 2005 (aged 17!)
The silver curtains of the night part
Golden sunshine begins to sing to my heart,
As it beats for a longing to be open and free
From this constant battle to be who I want to be.
The rain washed away the storm raging within
My eyes crying dew drops that sparkle on my skin,
Oval diamonds magnifying each faded, torn line
The pain twisted and bent as the crystals shine.
Walking barefoot on the wild, emerald grass
Water sitting so still as if made of coloured glass,
The girl I want to be swims freely in my reflection
Bearing no injuries of the sadness and rejection.
I reach out to touch this magical happiness I see
But in a series of shimmering ripples she escapes from me,
My tears break the dreams in her hopeful face
The reality is I’m trapped in this careless, cruel place.
Away from the loneliness I want to run
And let the bad memories burn in the sun,
How can I reach the girl in the water, now dying?
It’s almost gone; this strength I use for trying.
The silver curtains are closing and I’m on my own
No one to miss me, find me or take me back home,
Into myself I jump whilst the curtains turn black
Here I drown with my dreams; never to come back.
Evanescence are my absolute ultimate favourite band of all time <3