Day 8

Yesterday night I messaged logan. We talked for four hours, it was mostly just small talk and catching up. He told me why he got pissed at his dad, i told him why i’m in a fight with my dad. We ended up sort of sexting. But then we said good night and decided to resume our break.

My mom is getting stressed. She has to deal with our family as well as dealing with work. They’re pushing her to relocate but it’s actually moves to make her resign. She texted me to help her with her resume when she comes home at 2. She got home and we got to work, but she was pressed for time to submit her resume and go meet with her friends. We ran into a couple bumps, she ended up having to go while I emailed her the completed resume. Her phone wouldnt open it though. We tried to find ways to make it work. I asked my dad if he can help; my plan was to send him the email and see if his phone can open it as well, but he said no he’s busy with something urgent. My mom and I decided to log into her email. She said her email account is logged in on the computer. My dad was using it, so I asked if I could use it for a second. He got angry at me for asking him something a second time. I said don’t be mad at me, i’m just the messenger, this is for mom. 

My mom and I decided to use my laptop. I was sending emails for her when my dad came up to me and started going off about how his work was urgent and stuff. I said okay, i was just trying to find balance between not bothering you and helping mom, because her thing was urgent too. he kept yelling at me, and i said sorry and explained myself, but he kept going. He was walking away yelling and i muttered “gosh” under my breath. He came raging back and asked me if i said “gosh”. I said yeah i was pretty frustrated. He ended up rage calling my mom and i called out corrections of false things he was telling my mom. He told my mom to call me. My dad resumed yelling at me while I was trying to do mom’s work. My mom called and told me to go downstairs. I went down and my dad went to his room. He slammed his door shut, and then opened it again and slammed it again. I was like wtf.

My mom basically told me to not do anything anymore and not engage with my dad and lie low. But all i’ve done my entire life is lie low and wait till he’s in a better mood and forgive him for things he’s not sorry for. My mom is super stressed though so i guess i’ll do it. Shes said my dad is sort of messed up and that a big hooha happened at his work today so he’s on edge. We hung up and I finished her emails, and i heard my dad yelling in his room. My guess is that my mom called him back to talk. Then she called me, and we talked, and she said she cant enjoy herself with her friends anymore because of how me and my dad are. I told her tohave fun and that im sorry. i kept trying not to cry. My mom said one day my dad will regret this and wonder why no one takes care of him. And that he’ll end up like his dad. 

My instincts tell me to engage with my dad when he wants to shit on me, because it’ll teach him i’m not gonna tolerate this anymore. But my mom says to lie low and avoid trouble. So i’ll try to do what my mom says, since i don’t want to cause her any trouble.

Today is so shit. I have to see zephra and sabrina, but i’m not really up for it. I’m gonna go for a run and then shower and get ready to go.

See ya.

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