Blue came home today

It was a pretty emotional day today.
We got the call from the vet that Blue was ready to go home.
I hate how they talk like he is still alive…
I mean I get it…they are trying to be nice and yes…he needed to come home.
It just still really hurts… He was gone two weeks and it feels like it just happened yesterday. 
But, I’ve put his fur and some of his ashes in the necklace urn and I have him with me.
Though, my chest feels so heavy when I wear the necklace…
I don’t know if it’s because I know what it means to wear it or it’s just in my head.
It’s like my chest tightens when I put it on and it just stays that way until I take it off. 
I’ve gotten so many comments about how God works in mysterious ways and he will help me through this….but honestly…
Please don’t talk to me about God.
I do not believe in a Christian God. 
I understand that is your belief and that’s fine and dandy, but I’ve had too many people 
force their religion upon me and forced to go to church when younger and it has only made me resent the faith. 
I have my own religion thank you. Paganism is more suitable for me…So please, 
do not preach to me.

Anyway… 
Other than picking up my dog from the vet, it was a day of sleep….well…broken up sleep. Maybe an hour at a time for 5 hours. My body is just exhausted, but it refuses to shut down. Mourning does weird shit to me. 
I heard my neighbors shooting today in their yard…I’m hoping they didn’t kill the fox that has been roaming our yard…  They lost four chickens last night and it was either the fox or the eagle that has been roaming between our yards..or both..they let the chickens roam too, but the chicks were inside so I bet the fox ate them. 
It’s a beautiful little fox. Tiny for the others I have seen before. It likes to sit in our yard about dusk and just hang out in the trees.  It looks so happy and I’ve thought of, stupid me, maybe leaving food out for it. Not like I need a wild animal hanging out when Blue’s mom isn’t the brightest of dogs…
She would get hurt and so would the fox. I mean…it took her about 3 times of getting smacked in the face by a porcupine and having quills shoved into her face and mouth for her to stay away from it. 
*rolls eyes* Whatever.
But… yes, Blue is home. 
My father in law I guess talked to one of the farmers workers and the worker went and told the farmer that we were blaming him for killing our dog. 
Dennis basically admitted he ran him over and that he should have stopped but he didn’t.  Didn’t hear nothing about it and he didn’t say he felt sorry for what he did. 
I saw him before coming into work…
I could feel rage just fill me. I did drive out to where his truck is parked while he is in the field and I checked out his vehicle for damages. I didn’t see anything. Sadly, I didn’t have my knife with me at the time to slash his tires and that was probably a good thing. 
He saw me by his truck, but he made sure to drive as far out in the field in the tractor as he could.  He’s too chicken shit to deal with me or my husband at this point. He knows what he did and he knows my husbands temper.
But if I ever got a hold of him he would be afraid of me.

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