though it is unlikely my ramblings will reach you…
I will not lie and admit to the last few months being anything more than the truth- hard. your decision to leave me behind tore me apart and I can still feel those parts of me that will never be completely whole again. you broke through all the years worth of walls that I had fought so hard to build up, only to leave.
you were the one person I thought would always remain a constant through the rest of my life. I never imagined a world without you, a world without daily discussions on disagreeing political views, our future, the mere annoyance of humanity, or the love we felt for each other. I can honestly say I never thought there would come a day when I had to prepare myself to continue on without you. we were so determined after living what felt like a lifetime apart, through each of our struggles, our love was strong enough to do miraculous things to keep us together.
I wanted a life with you. I wanted to hold your hand at sixty and say “we made it.” I didn’t need you to fix me. I didn’t need the world. I just wanted to spend the rest of my days building our lives with one another, no matter how long, or how many obstacles the universe threw our way.
my world was numb before you cracked open the dark grey sky that made up my world. and now? losing you has put such a darkness inside of me that stems out well beyond the grumpy cat in me.