I know I said I was going to post more, however life is currently spiralling out of control, with work projects taking off and having some relationship troubles, all whilst having the stress that May the 4th brought with it. Some of you may be thinking, what could Star Wars day be stressful for?
Well, in all honesty, since the end of February, I have been practising for my theory half of my driving. And so, I booked my theory test for May 4th. I made a silent prayer to myself that “I’m one with the force and the force is with me.”
However, the force was not with me. Whilst I passed my hazard perception part of the test with 66/75, I failed overall because I failed by one mark on the theory half, 42/50. I was so frustrated that I came so close yet so far, I keep thinking to myself I would have rather failed by ten instead of one, if that makes sense, that way the blow would have been lessened, in my head anyway.
But passing my theory test was more than just a test, it was about my first step to freedom. A freedom in which I do not have to wait around for public transport such as buses or trains, or have to wait for people to pick me up/drop me off places and nine times out of ten always being late with those people. It would give me the freedom to go to my best friends house and take her shopping for a change rather than me being driven around by her, which I always feel guilty of. I want to drive up to her house, honk on the horn and just tell her to get in the car we are going shopping or going out for food etc.
It was the first step to my true freedom, a freedom which I could finally go and see people that I haven’t in a long time, where I could go places on my own accord.
So Thursday was frustrating for me, then having to tell people who knew I had the test that I failed made things worse. Thursday night I cried myself to sleep, missing out on my freedom. Its bad enough that I have been putting it off since I was 18, and now I really feel like a chance at freedom. Its not what I want, its what I need. And whilst I understand that failures are apart of life, I feel like I am forever being left behind…
But for now,
Love Lily x