I’m doing it.
The first hour was awesome! I did it. I started congratulating myself then I checked the time, only 1 hour?????
3:24 am and I was confused.
Certainly it must have been more than that. I wanted to make sure so I opened WhatsApp. Before I knew it I was checking and responding to messages and slowly but surely the emptiness started returning before I realized what I was doing.
I was supposed to be on hiatus and here I was snuggling right back up with the enemy. This called for drastic measures. So I did it. I uninstalled every bit of social media (after backing up of course)
That was when I felt even more lost.
In the background Glee wasn’t on anymore, some random song from YouTube had taken its place, and I was feeling just as random.
I didn’t know what to do with this newfound time.
I downloaded audible and went for the first recommended book. Black witch (something like that). While listening I realized I needed to find things for seven whole days.
I was going to be alone for SEVEN days. I don’t even remember the last time I was with myself, just myself, for two days.
So I made mental plans, one day at the beach, one day drinking, one day at the park, one day at the movies, one day at a party and so this went on. After a while I had to pause, most of those days needed other people.
When did I sink so low where I needed other people to relax?? When did I forget how much I enjoyed myself. This acknowledgment scared me. Am I too late?
At 3:30 am I packed my bags.
I did what everyone does when they get scared: I went home.
I went to mom and dad for the week.
I got home just as the sun peeked over the horizon and I slept. I hadn’t done that in a while.
I was alone when I came to but I felt comforted. Maybe it was being enveloped by my childhood memories that caused it. Whatever the reason it felt good.
Hey, I feel something other than empty.
What does unplugging have to do with this? I didn’t feel pressured to respond to texts or check notifications. I had none.
All I had was me and nostalgia.
It felt good.
I had actually forgotten I love to cook. I listened music and cooked and danced. I was less empty. My senses were awakened.
I was awakening.
I didn’t need to let Snapchat know what I was doing.
I didn’t spend ten minutes deciding what filter to use to share my creation with Instagram.
I ate with momny and daddy.
We ate. We laughed.
I was full. I didn’t feel as empty.
Tomorrow would be a good day to go to the beach
This might be a good thing after all.