im going fucking stir crazy. Today L’s teacher pulled me aside and said that she has been mean to some of her friends at school, to the point that one girl doesn’t want to come to school anymore and wants to move away. The fact is that L has been complaining about these 2 girls for months, saying that theyre mean to her and don’t want to be her friend anymore and have made fun of her. I believe she probably stood up for herself, or she is upset at them and said some mean things. L is a sweet and shy girl and she is not a fucking bully. I emailed the teacher and told her everything that’s been going on over the past few months. I am waiting for a response. I’m nervous and stressed about this situation. And about parenting in general. I got a book last week and we’ve been actively talking to L about deep topics and she is totally responding. This is just a big source of stress for me and P, and also L lately, obviously.

I’m getting too obsessive about TTC and I just want it to hurry up. I want time to pass and I want my BFP and I want something so happy and positive to focus on.

Right now I cant focus on anything. I cant seem to be productive. I am bored even though I am stressed. it makes no sense and its so uncomfortable. We keep saying that J will be spinning, or is spinning, in a downward spiral. Well maybe I’m the one that’s left reeling after the blow up of our friendship. I lost a source of heartache but I also lost my source of fun and excitement. Maybe I am just PMSing. I have been crampy all day. I’m moody as hell.

What am I supposed to do with this day? I have to get the kids at 3 and pick up pauls Rx before then. I have an hour and half to kill by myself and so many things I should be doing but of course, here I am. I just cant.

The sun shining outside and the turquoise water glistening is just an insult.


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