So much change at work. My relatively low stress days are gone. My short 6 hour work days are gone. I cannot pretend I like what I do to earn a paycheck. I like the money. I don’t love it. I like the freedom it provides us as a family. I don’t like the work. I have been pretending for 20+ years that this work is suited for me. It is all numbers. I am not a numbers person. Numbers make me anxious. I like color. I like texture. I like sunshine. I like nature – all of it. The good, the bad the ugly (though I do not believe anything in nature is bad or ugly – it’s all about perspective). I like the light in a child’s eyes when they discover something new.
I miss being home with my kids for the little extra time that I had when my work day was shorter. It wasn’t always “quality” time per se. Just being there was enough. I hate that they are home alone now. They are not babies – they are in middle school – but that is all the more reason to not want leave to them alone. Such a tumultuous time. They have become clingy lately. And I am tired. When I get home from work I am torn in half between wanting to put my feet up for 10 minutes and wanting to goof around with them.