116 work/life

So much change at work. My relatively low stress days are gone. My short 6 hour work days are gone. I cannot pretend I like what I do to earn a paycheck. I like the money. I don’t love it.  I like the freedom it provides us as a family. I don’t like the work. I have been pretending for 20+ years that this work is suited for me.  It is all numbers.  I am not a numbers person.  Numbers make me anxious. I like color.  I like texture.  I like sunshine. I like nature – all of it. The good, the bad the ugly (though I do not believe anything in nature is bad or ugly – it’s all about perspective). I like the light in a child’s eyes when they discover something new.  

I miss being home with my kids for the little extra time that I had when my work day was shorter. It wasn’t always “quality” time per se.  Just being there was enough. I hate that they are home alone now.  They are not babies – they are in middle school – but that is all the more reason to not want leave to them alone. Such a tumultuous time.  They have become clingy lately. And I am tired. When I get home from work I am torn in half between wanting to put my feet up for 10 minutes and wanting to goof around with them.

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