I just scrolled through 15 or so pages of entries so I could revisit where I was a year ago. Turns out a year ago I was far more creative than I am these days. Pheesh.
A year ago, she was still with us. My princess. I still miss her. I think a part of me will always miss her. She was so special.
Tonight I had Andy up on the bed with me. He figured out I have jerky hidden for him in my night stand. I have to tear into pieces for him. Andy is ridiculous when it comes to big pieces. He chokes and makes a mess. So I rip it up for him and put it into a pile. He keeps pawing one piece out at a time. This very action reminds of her. That’s not an Andy maneuver. That’s a Toothless thing. She came from a hoarder’s house and as a result she always pawed her food out of her dish… one piece at a time. Tonight Andy is doing this and it’s not typical of him. It reminds me of her so much.
A year ago we were dealing with steroids and medicated patches. We made weekly trips to the vets. A year ago my heart was slowing cracking and shattering into a million pieces. I knew good bye was creeping in. The reaper would collect. Every life must pay in death.
I won’t say it is a relief now that it has happened. It isn’t. Life has gone on however and so have I.
A year ago things were normal with Snooch. A year ago we didn’t have a crazy puppy. Hoshi Akari did not have her driver’s permit. Bobo’s voice wasn’t as low. My family is aging. My kids are almost grown which is scary to say because I don’t feel like I am anywhere near done raising them. My big hope is that I will never truly be done raising them. Sure they will grow up and have families of their own, but maybe, just maybe if I do it right they will come to me when they need advice or help. I would like to think that if I am truly a good (okay… decent) mom that will be the outcome.
Fairly sure that I have tomorrow off, but my work is so crazy; I can not be certain. I have evaluations coming up so I have been trying to perform as flawless as possible. Tonight I did pretty darn good…
I plan on getting up and out the door by 10 so I can meet up with Starr to go for a run. He needs a workout buddy. So do I. Motivation has escaped me this week and I keep blaming it on the high pollen count. Lame, I know.
Mother’s day is coming up. Tonight all three kids surprised me by cleaning the house. I’m pretty damn lucky.