A year ago…

I just scrolled through 15 or so pages of entries so I could revisit where I was a year ago. Turns out a year ago I was far more creative than I am these days. Pheesh.  

A year ago, she was still with us. My princess. I still miss her. I think a part of me will always miss her. She was so special.

Tonight I had Andy up on the bed with me. He figured out I have jerky hidden for him in my night stand. I have to tear into pieces for him. Andy is ridiculous when it comes to big pieces. He chokes and makes a mess. So I rip it up for him and put it into a pile. He keeps pawing one piece out at a time. This very action reminds of her. That’s not an Andy maneuver. That’s a Toothless thing. She came from a hoarder’s house and as a result she always pawed her food out of her dish… one piece at a time. Tonight Andy is doing this and it’s not typical of him.  It reminds me of her so much.

A year ago we were dealing with steroids and medicated patches. We made weekly trips to the vets. A year ago my heart was slowing cracking and shattering into a million pieces. I knew good bye was creeping in. The reaper would collect. Every life must pay in death.

I won’t say it is a relief now that it has happened. It isn’t. Life has gone on however and so have I.

A year ago things were normal with Snooch. A year ago we didn’t have a crazy puppy. Hoshi Akari did not have her driver’s permit. Bobo’s voice wasn’t as low. My family is aging. My kids are almost grown which is scary to say because I don’t feel like I am anywhere near done raising them. My big hope is that I will never truly be done raising them. Sure they will grow up and have families of their own, but maybe, just maybe if I do it right they will come to me when they need advice or help. I would like to think that if I am truly a good (okay… decent) mom that will be the outcome.

Fairly sure that I have tomorrow off, but my work is so crazy; I can not be certain. I have evaluations coming up so I have been trying to perform as flawless as possible. Tonight I did pretty darn good… 

I plan on getting up and out the door by 10 so I can meet up with Starr to go for a run. He needs a workout buddy. So do I. Motivation has escaped me this week and I keep blaming it on the high pollen count. Lame, I know.

Mother’s day is coming up. Tonight all three kids surprised me by cleaning the house. I’m pretty damn lucky.

GNJ

One thought on “A year ago…”

  1. I’m so sorry of the loss of your fur baby(s). I know how it feels… Truly. My heart still hurts every day for the ones that past away from years ago.
    I’m hoping all will be okay for you❤

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