Why

 

I feel so confused, I’ve had so much going on. Sometimes I just wish I could turn of every trace of me having any emotions. People say ” just let it all out it’s good to cry, it will make you feel better,” or “It’ better to tell someone. Well that’s were there wrong, I don’t like crying, why, because it makes me feel weak. I hate telling people my feelings because it does me no good, they either end up pitting me or going behind my back and telling other people. I can’t trust people, well I hardly trust people, there’s only a few that I do trust. And they happen to be fare away, I hardly see them. I’ve had to grow up fast, I’ve watched both my life and the some of the people I love wither away. I’ve seen what love can do to someone, and it sure isn’t pretty. I built a wall around me for so long, I don’t think I’ll ever let it down. I remember when I used to let the hurtful words that the other kids would say get to me. Well now I just can’t care less, I’ve never been able to fit in much and I don’t think I ever will. I’ve had to deal with depression for the past six years of my life all by myself. All those years I’ve had no one to help me one the way, yes I have a family, but there never there for me when I need them the most. You would think that they would understand me better, but no they don’t. I’ve had to go through so much all on my own. The sleepless nights, the nightmares, the pain, the rejection, the hates. It was just me, sometimes I wondered if there was even a reason for me to be alive, I’ve thought of trying to kill myself so many times, that way I won’t be such  I burden to people. They won’t have to see me face. But when I look back at my past, it’s what has made me who i am today. It’s helped me become so much stronger, yes I’ve fallen down countless times. But I’ve been able to pick myself up again and again. No matter what life throws at me, I just have to be ready for it. I remember my mom telling me about how people have tried to get rid of me before I was even born. I guess there was I reason for me been here, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. They can shot me down but I will always get back up again. Shot my down but I fell, I guess it’s time for me to STOP GIVING A FUCK and get on with my life. I’m not going to let someone walk all over again, no I’m I going to let any tear my heart out and smash it again. It’s already broken and I’m still trying to mend it from the last heart break. FUCK ALL THE HATERS!! I’m not someone who likes to swear but I’m going to anyway.

 

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