so this is my 1st entry and all i can say is be advised, i guess…i cuss ALOT…im harsh and emotional but at the same time very cold hearted. there is some more shit that will come out as i write, i suppose haha oh…and even though i am well educated, im the worlds laziest typer (i guess is what you call it), i dont like most punctuation or i use it however i want to…i dont use capitalization most of the time, either haha its just too much effort that i dont care to put in…most of the time ill be writing is when im in bed about to pass out or on the go because i dont get privacy and live with some very nosy people in my prison (im not actually in prison, but i feel like i live in one)
ill be 29 next month but i dont celebrate my bday. i used to, i used to go all out – spend enormous amounts of money, get shit faced drunk and pop some norco, go clubbing or have a house party; you name it, i did it. but now, just like every other day, i dont even like nor want to wake up. the family that lives me always insist on a cake. thats it. even when i was celebrating it tho, they never put effort in or participated even though i did for them. thats very much the main theme of my life; i dont get the same effort or treatment as i give. so lately ive given up. i literally dont talk to anyone, i dont have anything to say that matters. im the black sheep; the one that never does anything right or the way its supposed to be done. i dont have anything in common with anyone, not even my own son. literally our DNA is the only thing we have in common and he prefers it that way. he doesnt want to be my son; my sister wants to be his mom and ive been told more than once by my mother that my sister would do better by him and they tell each other this all the time which just adds to my “paradise”. i know, right? youre probably thinking what drugs is this bitch on? does she drink? have multiple bfs or gfs? welp folks….its none of those. oh, then she must not have a job. not that either. to be honest, i dont know their reasonings nor do i care. my sisters main want in life is to have a kid. she never got that chance because quite frankly, she’s a bitch and i think she genuinely thinks she is better than everyone. you know the type…has to always be right, everything she does is perfect, can never be late to anything or any where – you get the point. she has never been fun or adventurous…even has to plan an adventure. anyway, point being, she ran out of time for her own kid so she is trying and succeeding in taking mine from me. maybe not physically or legally because just out of spite, i would never give her that. but emotionally, he isnt mine anymore. she took him. his dad has never consistently been in the picture but whenever he is around, i have to stick to the court mandate which my son hates. furthermore, gives him another reason to hate me more because i enforce it. im the bad guy to him and because she undermines my every breath in his direction, she is the good guy. and because my money goes toward his needs, her goes toward his wants; making me the bad guy still and her the good guy.