Journal Prom #5:
My family tells me that they think I am overly harsh sometimes and mean. This always amazes me. I feel so loving towards them in my mind. I would do anything they needed me to. My family has a bad habit of sanitizing every real world issues that we come across. They aren’t ones to confront someone else over a behavior or an issue. They are more than happy to ignore some insult or unsavory situation in order to keep the peace or maintain the status quo and I think I just have a harder time with that. When I was a teenager, we are talking like 13, my older sister started heavily using drugs. My parents, in their fear and pain, ignored a lot of it and chose to blame her behavior on other things. Then they coddled her and enabled her because it was easier than having a knock down drag out fight and facing some demons. I watched all of this and I can safely report that it did nothing but hurt our family. It prolonged the misery until it blew up in all of our faces.
I’m not one to call someone out unnecessarily, but growing up in that situation taught me that no good comes from pretending something isn’t happening or sticking your head in the sand. It just makes it worse and makes everyone miserable.
So what my family sees is harshness and coldness…I call it honesty. If you’re being dumb at the expense of someone else, why should that be ignored? If you hurt someone’s feelings, even if it was unintended, why shouldn’t that be addressed? There have been multiple times when my sister’s have told me I hurt their feelings, like 2 years after the fact. Why not say something right then, or as soon as you could? Please, give me an opportunity to apologize…to make it right. I didn’t even realize. Now, you have resentment towards me and I would have tried so hard to fix it. There are very few people on this planet as valuable to me as my sisters. I would have worked so hard to make amends.
So I think the most misunderstood thing about me is my penchant for being overly honest with my family, being interpreted as meanness.
Journal Prom #5: