I have figured out that I avoid all kinds of situations because I want to avoid the extreme anxiety that might come In that situation. I guess thats how it is for many people? If It makes sence at all. For example when it comes to presentations in class, I’m scared I’m going to become a giant nerve wreck: I’ll start shaking badly, forget how to speak or how to breath, I’ll speak too fast or forget words. All kinds of situations were I’ll just die of anxiety. Though recently I had my first presentation ever, and I’m not sure what I was so scared of: Nothing went wrong, I wasn’t nervous at all? Same goes for rollercoasters and stuff like that: I always avoided those big scary ones; but then recenly I didn’t want to miss out on all the fun, so my friends convinced me to get on with them. It was actually pretty fun, really nothing to be scared of. It was fun.
Not only am I jumping out of my comfort zone and trying new things: I’m also slowly turning extroverted. I’m starting to sing along with my friends (even though I still sound like a dying goat). I’m turning more loud. Starting to run around and be silly. I do not know what exacly is happening to me, but I like it. I’m still me, I still have all this stuff going on inside my head, and I still am more of a one on one kind of person. But I’m really starting to have much more fun. I now like going to public places filled with strangers, I find it interessing seeing all these weird people and all of these weird people seeing me which is even more weird. I like getting noticed.
Before I was always sitting inside watching tv shows online, wasting time on games. I could sit inside for weeks not do anything but sit in my room. Before, getting grounded was nothing special: I thought getting grounded was a good thing because then I had a reason to say “sorry I cant” to people. Now I feel like going out all the time. I constanly want to go out and make memories, bond with people and stuff.
Sad thing: Still pretty damn lonely. I now feel like constantly going out: But I have no friends that also enjoy going out as much as me. My bestfriend is a very busy person: She has alot of music stuff going on in her life, and she has a boyfriend she spends more time with than me. It botherd me at first, but I’m not getting used to is: And because of it I have also become closer to my other friends. But, my other friends are lazy as hell. I always have to beg for them to go out with me, because going out alone isnt as fun as going out with friends. Now I have come to the point of wishing I had more friends that enjoy going out as much as me. I need more friends that are “adventurous”!