I have 60 days until I step on a plane and fly out to Reno, Nevada. From there I will head to South Lake Tahoe, California where I will spend 5 days working on me. Although I think that sounds selfish, I actually don’t feel like I’m being selfish. At least not in a a bad way. This time is needed. I need help. I am unfinished. The reality is, I will always be unfinished. The dangerous part is believing that I am finished, or have been finished long ago.
I got out in November of 2003 and the truth is, I never have worked on me. I have spent a ton of time justifying why I don’t need help. My excuses are a mile long and a mile wide. The crazy part of all this is that I honestly feel like I did better when I suppressed all of it and made excuses. Not healthy, I know. But, I look back at 2003 through 2010 and see a guy who hid his pain really, really well. So well that I was convinced myself. To this day, I am still somewhat convinced. But, I gotta address the “now.”
Operation Restored Warrior is a complete God send. I am so anxious to see what God has in store there. I believe He is working now, so I am starting this journal to keep track of some of my days leading up to this getaway. I would like to look back on it and see my thinking.
I head out July 13. Looking forward to it and I wish I could leave tomorrow.
Thank you for this opportunity, Abba.