60 Days Out

I have 60 days until I step on a plane and fly out to Reno, Nevada.  From there I will head to South Lake Tahoe, California where I will spend 5 days working on me.  Although I think that sounds selfish, I actually don’t feel like I’m being selfish.  At least not in a a bad way.  This time is needed.  I need help.  I am unfinished.  The reality is, I will always be unfinished.  The dangerous part is believing that I am finished, or have been finished long ago.  

I got out in November of 2003 and the truth is, I never have worked on me.  I have spent a ton of time justifying why I don’t need help.  My excuses are a mile long and a mile wide.  The crazy part of all this is that I honestly feel like I did better when I suppressed all of it and made excuses.  Not healthy, I know.  But, I look back at 2003 through 2010 and see a guy who hid his pain really, really well.  So well that I was convinced myself.  To this day, I am still somewhat convinced.  But, I gotta address the “now.”

Operation Restored Warrior is a complete God send.  I am so anxious to see what God has in store there.  I believe He is working now, so I am starting this journal to keep track of some of my days leading up to this getaway.  I would like to look back on it and see my thinking.

I head out July 13.  Looking forward to it and I wish I could leave tomorrow.

Thank you for this opportunity, Abba.

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