With the lack of active listeners in my life,
I’ve forced my self into this……writing.
No one can find this lying around and be so incline to read it, even if someone does stumble upon it, which I highly doubt, they’ll never know it’s me. I made the mistake of having a notebook journal, someone once read it, and as I predicted, just couldn’t handle the way my mind functions. It’s just to much.
Being caught in the middle of a war of things ending, and things beginning, its all simply chaos. Mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally, nothing is stable. I’m not physically moving, though my entire body is shaking, like a 1000 volts are pulsing through my muscles.
I don’t have the slightest clue on how to process anything that has happened in the past 24 hours. Honestly, being half way sober these past few months have made me realize, I haven’t processed the past 2 years of my life, and more importantly, I don’t remember most of the past year. The consequences of the things I have done are down right devastating. I feel like a pile of rubble, with no will to rebuild.