02. The Silence is Deafening

                    The.

                      Silence.

                                     Is.

                                           Deafening.

 

Being off the day after she leaves, is eating me alive. The house is so quiet, even the pups are just laying around like they got dumped. I think the fact I just came home to all her things gone has put me in shock. I know a part of her leaving was my own selfish actions, though the messages I read, and realizing she deleted some, only makes my suspicion  about it even more solid. Just because I had done wrong, doesn’t justify doing the same thing. An eye for an eye, leaves the whole world blind. Either way, its over, and I don’t even know what to do with myself.

After getting the phone call I did today, being told my blood work came back extremely abnormal, all I can think about is calling her. She had become my best friend, the one I tell everything to. now, there’s no one.

              Why is the only one that’s going to make you feel better, is the one

               who ripped you open in the first place.

I’ve been sitting here staring at the wall for hours. Thoughts, feelings, what if’s, all swirling into my head, smashing into each other. I cant even make sense of whats hurting me the most, the fact my abnormal blood work could mean something serious is wrong with me, and I’ll never be able to start my shots again, or that she’s gone, I’ve lost my best friend, the other half of me. Exactly a year after my fiancé left me. I’m beginning to think…..the thought that I’m meant to be alone.

 

This is the second relationship I’ve had, that I’ve have had a large roll in ruining because I refused to cope with my ex fiancé of seven years up and leaving me, after leading me on for over 2 years.

I tried to start over to soon, and ruined what could have been my for ever.

                                                                                sometimes, I’m scared ill become happy,

                                                                               just for it to be torn from my grasp, so I ruin it, before it

                                                                               ever has the chance.

 

Being a hopeless romantic at my age, in this year, and emotionally broken, it’s just the perfect potion for disaster.

 

 

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