4 Months ( 3 days, 10 hrs )

In 3 days and roughly 10 hrs it will 4 months…

4 months ago, I caught you. I caught you cheating with her. That  night has been seared into my memory forever. It will be the only memory of you that I will keep. I will erase all the good memories, late night talks, love/fuck makings, fights, and tears shed in the past. I will erase the 16 yrs of history except for that one moment.

~Jan 20th 2017 6 pm~

“Who’s white car is parked in front of the house?”

” I don’t know, no one’s here.”

I rest my purse on the floor, I take of my shoes. ‘Where is Mj to greet me?’, I hear music playing, ‘where is it coming from?’. The music doesn’t sound right, the tune is off, it doesn’t fit the personalities in this house. Walking up the stairs, the music gets louder, now it really doesn’t sound right. It’s an oldies song, but not from an artist I’m familiar with, but some how I’ve heard this song before. I’m in front of the door, I can feel the vibration. My hand reached to turn the door knob, its locked, but if pushed it should open. The door doesn’t open, try again. The door is locked? Did it get fixed? When? ‘Knock, knock’. Nothing. ‘Knock, knock’. Finally it opens. It’s dark, it takes a min for my eyes to adjust, a  figure is in the door way. The music is now pulsing all around me, I can’t move. He’s standing in front of me, black v-tee shirt, grey boxer briefs. I feel something below; ‘oh Mj’, there you are’. He excited to see Mama home, he’s trying to greet me, I put my handing out, ‘hi puppy, ok, ok, that’s enough’. My body hasn’t moved, my eyes are fixed on him. He doesn’t say anything to me, he facial expression is off. Eyes hooded, head slightly bowed.

“Are you high?”


“Why do you look weird? What are you doing?”

His whole body is blocking the door, he then pretends to play with the puppy. He stands up again, gives me a sheepish smile, and leans into me. His lips are pursed, but this doesn’t feel right, nothing seems right. Something is completely wrong, my body automatically jerks away, and my hand pushes on his chest. This is a kiss, that should not be accepted. Slowly my head turns, it’s still dark, something catches my eye. I focus between the crack of the door way. The bed, something moved. What is that? Finally it registers, the outline, it’s a head! I look back at him, my brows are furrowed. Blank stares. ‘RUN!’ ‘NOW!’

I am flying down the stairs, my shoes, my purse… ‘No!’ Half a second later, I am back up those stairs, the door is in mid-close. I throw my body at the door, my hand reaches the light switch, my heart POUNDING. My ears are ringing, LIGHT! SHOCK is slappped on his face. I see her clear as day. Black shoulder length hair, pale faced, covered by the duvet set I bought. I know who this is, it couldn’t have been anyone else.


That is still the question I ask myself. Why? 

Why didn’t you…Break up with me first? Why did you get back with me this last time? Why did it have to be her? Why did you choose this route?


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