05 —

Maxwell, Perfect artist  for today.


New set of blood work is in, so let waiting game begin. I got 20 on my bad kidney. Hopefully it turns out to be nothing.

Ive begun cleaning the house. Trying to gather, pack away all the things she left behind. I cant allow my house to become a shrine the way I did once Antoinette left. I left everything right where it was and for months. Even after Ann and I started dating. I suppose that should of been my  first red flag her and I were bound for disaster.

Putting it all away is hard, all I want her to do is to come home. I thought when Antoinette it hurt, but honestly I knew it was coming. When it happened, yes, I was devastated, 7 years was a long time to spend with someone, engaged to, I knew long before the connection, her love was gone. With Ann I was blindsided, because anytime we touch its like electric ran through me, I could still see in her eyes she loves me, I could feel it in her every heart beat.


                                                                 Or maybe, I knew, but refused to except it.

I did mention to Lashay, a week before I had a feeling she was just going to up and leave, just like Antoinette did. I wish I could just except its all because of what I did, but those messages I read, I just cant believe it. I can’t believe shes telling me all the truth. The not knowing is beginning to eat away at me. I know, I have to let it go soon, before I allow it to consume me.


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