No idea what to write. Million thoughts going through my head. Really wish I was stoned. Hate this tension between my husband (HB) and I. I’ve been less than pleasant since we got into an arguement last night. I really just want to fucking clean right now but it’s 4:15 in the morning and I’m pretty sure he would suspect I was geeked up since I just got home like an hour ago. I didn’t mean to be out so late. O well. Idk if he’s still irritated from last night or if he’s pissed I was out so late or if he’s just pissed because he bombed his rainbow demo or all of the above and or if he thinks I’m geeked up because I was out so late at a location he knows people get geeked up at. Ugh! I hate this shit. I know I do it to myself. Hey just don’t get geeked up and then I wouldn’t have to worry about such poppycock. But I really hate sleeping and that’s all I’ve done the last two or three days and literally most of my life and crystal makes me not feel so fucking depressed. I’m still having a difficult time processing that I might actually be depressed. Although I’ve suspected it for a long time. I’ve just always managed to stay high. For the most part I stay pretty sober these days trying to make this marriage shit work and can’t stand the sober part of it. Hopefully when I start working again that will help. This up down shit is terrible. I suppose this is all for now. I’ve bored myself enough for the moment.  

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