To My Future Husband

My beautiful future husband,

I don’t want to start a life with you by running around my problems and never telling you about them. Letting you think that I’ve got it all together and that I’ve never stumbled on my way to you is too big of a lie for me to tell.

I’m broken. I have scars that I don’t want you to see because it shows a past of wandering…but I know you need to see them. Going through life never feeling like I mattered to anyone destroyed any confidence I had and led me to make choices that broke so many hearts. I have felt like a failure for giving into temptations I encountered, because each of them took a piece of me, ultimately leaving me broken here before you.

I can love too much. It seems like an impossible task, but after seeing myself do it over and over again, I can tell you it’s not. I know that a relationship should never be about one-upping each other. However, I found myself not trying to one-up the man in the relationship but myself. One of my biggest fears is being left by someone that I love and care about. So what I would do to prevent that at any cost was by being more serious than the man in the relationship, wanting to fix every problem they had, and always scared of being unloved. I never wanted to give 100% and the other person give 75%, and say I was smothering. I will always love you 100%. Nothing less is acceptable.

I’m scared. Marriage is the most sacred bond between man, woman, and God. Something so serious can’t be taken lightly. I’m terrified of how many wrong choices and expectations I will make before I get lost in your eyes. I don’t want those choices to make me numb to the love you will offer.

I can’t wait to meet you. From the creation of the Earth, you were made for me, and I was made for you. I’m your missing rib. 

I love you. I’m head over heels for you, and I don’t even know your name. I’ll be waiting when that day comes.

Love your wife, PDL

One thought on “To My Future Husband”

  1. beautiful.
    May he find you. May you be happy finally.

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