06. Change

Today was eventful. I had a doctors appointment. Pretty sure the vaccine the nurse gave me is the reason I have been feeling under the weather all day. I had blood work done as well, but I’ve never felt that sick because of blood work.

I managed to lock my self out of the house, I did how ever get back in, with the help of a ladder, followed by a summer salt through a window.  Never a dull moment, no matter how I wish for one. Work was work, the fact that this New G.M is cutting me by 10 hours, even though I’m suppose to work 50 because I’m the assistant, still straight 40. This will not continue on, or the big man on campus is going to get a visit from me at the office. I wont have this Girl, begin to tear down the time I’ve put in, or the work I’ve done for to have this position.

 

A lot has crossed my mind today, I’ve realize I cant let my self fall again. I have so much I started this year, and I have to finish it. I cant just let it all go I have worked entirely to hard for this. So, I looked into what has been the hold up with college and what not, and apparently there’s a hold on my financial aid, so I have to call them tomorrow to see what the hell is going on. With just a few months before school starts I really need to get my ducks in a row. I cant allow my self to mentally, and finically struggle while I’m trying to go to school. Heading back to the gym on a regular basis is also something I’m going to add to my day. Enough sitting around the house, I have three gorgeous pups I deserve to go on adventures with, and plenty of time in the middle of the night  I don’t sleep, I can work on studying along with my website. Back to meal planning I go, it saves me money, and I always end up in  great shape. Everything in my life is so much more balanced when there routine in my life. Not even a routine, but discipline. Do’s and don’ts, not just a free fer all hoping I can cram everything in, when I really end up doing nothing. I’ve been so wrapped up in what has been going on with Ann, I forgot to worry about my self. I’m notorious for doing that to my self.

                                                               So, it my actions must change.

 

I’ve vowed tonight is my last night to just chill and do nothing. Though I have decided to make it useful, and begin writing a nutrition guide for my self, and a routine to get my self back into it, and fix the physical imbalance’s I have developed. I’m hoping if I put all of my energy, and time into school, my jobs, and my self, I’ll stop being engulfed in thoughts of Ann, and I can let her go.  

                                                                 I hope. I really hope.

 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

 

 

 

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