Issue 1: (text sent to my son’s friend’s dad…
Yeah. I was going to msg you. He told me he had been acting up and banging his head and screaming and you got mad at him. After you went in jonathon was calling him names and he got angry again. Said jonathon punched him in the chest so he ran home screaming and calling for help because he couldn’t catch his breath and was “terrified”. I explained he was also in the wrong and needs to find a better anger outlet. I will have a conversation with Jonathan next time I see him. Even if sebastian is being emotional and hard to get along with, it is NEVER Okay to hit. Sebastian had a mark on his chest from where he was punched. I know you’ve mentioned you have taught him to fight. and I’ve personally felt how strong that kid is… Lol. It is very scary to have your breath knocked out. Anyway, just letting you know what the story is on this side and that I’m gonna have a talk with J.
Then about 3 more situations had to be dealt with over an hour and a half. These are my texts to my bff. I just needed to vent and she knows.
I am so miserable tonight. I swear not 5 fucking minutes go by without someone getting pissed off and having a fucking tantrum. Throwing shit across the room.. Pouting. Ignoring everyone trying to talk or help. When it’s the kids ryan gets fed up and walks away. Thanks I’ll deal with it… I got this. For fuck sake I need a goddamn break. I swear I’m on the verge of a breakdown. The eggshells I walk on. the fixing I do when someone is hurt or offended or angered. I’m picking up pieces CONSTANTLY! And picking up messes from anger and tantrums once I’m done with the other. I want to walk away. I want a couple of days of quiet and just be in my head. Not one fucking person to have to speak to or listen to or help. I’m a fixer and it’s BREAKING ME.
Nobody here gives a damn, so when I break there won’t be a fix. I need a vacation alone. I want to go away, but where? I could go to your house, but you have enough on your plate with all that shit at work. And your back is bothering you too. I could go to Tony’s or call Mike or contact Jay, but they’ll just want to use the situation try to get laid. No thanks. Aaaaagggggghhhhhhh!!!
These storms have me in so much pain tonight. I’ve been limping. Yet I have been the only one to do anything that needed to be done. Feed the kids, feed the husband, feed the dogs, each at a different time. I didn’t feed me!
Make a smoothie, not tonight please. I promise tomorrow… Tantrum. Ryan yells that they are “fucking whiny brats” , slams the door and goes to bed. NOW I have screaming crying kids throwing laundry baskets, shoes, and kicking furniture across the room. One because he’s still mad about being told no. The other because he didn’t do anything wrong (for once) and his dad included him in the statement so now his feelings are hurt. Don’t worry Ry, I’ll fix it. That’s what I do, right? The feelings of name calling from your dad, the mess that was left in the wake…. I got this. Fuck me. I wanna drive and drive for a loooonnnnngggg time and lose myself in music. And just stay gone and alone as long as possible.