I’m usually happy for maybe 3 hours every few days. Why? Idk. I want to be happy more often but my brain basically tells me, “no”. It tells me to think about all the things I have yet to accomplish and how I get rejected by ppl way too often and how ppl are intimidated by me when I’m really the the small little mouse who is more afraid of them. Do they see me? Am I just an avid complainer who cries because she wants attention? Maybe. Will I ever be better? No. I hope so but my faith is not even the size of mustard seed right now. I’m walking through not feeling a thing. I’m sure I’ll eventually feel the sting of the decisions I have made and have yet to make. Am I scared? Idk. I don’t know what these feelings are. I just know what they aren’t. Can I be free? Will I be happy? How.