Seeking

I noticed “Seeking a friend for the end of the world” in the Netflix lists.  It reminded of whenever it was that I watched it.  They used to show you when you last watched it.  That was nice for my memories.  This reminded me how I was taking ambien at the time I watched it. ( I’ve now ended three sentences with “watched it”). (now 4.). Ambien makes waking life feel like a dream.  Watching a movie on it is like having a dream with a really nice narrative structure.  I love dreams more now that my ability to have emotional responses to things has been burned away.  Especially if some kind of romance is involved.  I think about those fragmented scenes from the that movie dream that come through the memory haze.  If you could tell your dreams to people the way you tell a movie then maybe it wouldn’t sound so weird and dismissable.  Or not.  The basic story of that film is relatable though.  In a way that’s what we’re all trying to do before death takes each of us.  But there’s a particular sadness to never finding them till the last minute.  To never seeing your family again because this person is the one you had wanted to be with for all those years that now seem wasted without them.  I suppose the desperation if the situation would actually make that possible.  Normally we’d find the faults in one another and use the accumulated dislikes to back out of the relationship.  But when you have a deadline.  Then everything becomes more poignant.

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