so, today of all days I decided to weigh myself. Good golly I lost a whole 6 pounds. I weigh 215 now. I’m 5’3 and my bmi says I’m obese. Shall I indulge ya in a secret, I hate the way I look but so do most people. Anywho I found that I have a specific habit, that I find horrible yet I can’t help but look. I have this friend, let’s call her J, she was the skinniest, prettiest and most wanted girl in my paddling club in Hawaii. J now weighs more than I do and some how I find it reassuring that I could be as big as her but I’m not. I realized that this was a disgusting habit about two months ago but yet I cannot help to think “oh I could be that big” when I see her pictures. I just hope my fear of getting huge doesn’t make me someone I don’t want to be.