Another night, another waste of a good mattress. I can’t sleep, so for now I will find my peace in writing. The good thing about journals, is that they have no agenda. I can write about what I want, when I want. And although journaling doesn’t make me feel happy, it keeps the pot from boiling over.
How sad is it, that people have become numb to life? Listening to the radio and news talk about Manchester, England is baffling because people are void of expression. Quoting things like “yepp, it was bound to happen somewhere” or “its hard to be shocked when England was a target”. Like NO YOU SICK FUCKS CHILDREN LOST THEIR LIVES. This is not your ordinary trump slandering propaganda.These. are. lives. Human fucking lives. Do not down play the fact that someones heart is no longer beating, that some mother will never sleep at peace again, that people were sipping their drink and died before it hit their stomach. The indifference and stoic tones of reporters are making me ill. “Expected” well, if its so expected why are 23 people being buried?
These thoughts lead me to selfishly wonder: if these people lost their lives in such a tragedy and no one genuinely cares, then what does my life matter? Who am I to anyone? People care about you for how long after you’re dead? A week? A month maybe? But how many of you can tell me the year Michael Jackson died? How long has it been? (Spoiler alert: its been almost 8 years) My point is, even the most famous of people, or the most horrific deaths will be forgotten. And that is what makes life so hard to live. Why live when no one will remember?
Tonight I looked out my window and I saw the rain water. It was stuck on the screen, and the street light was reflecting off of it. It looked like glitter, so sparkly and beautiful. For a second I thought “how absolutely stunning this is” but then I sat up to look even more. And you know what I saw? A streetlight. A wet window. A tree. No glitter, no magic, no beauty. And that is how I view life. So deceptive when you see all these adventures out their. All the shiny new places, with multitudes of new people and smells. Well, its a scam. People suck, pictures of places are always better than the actual place its self, and new foods will make you fat and empty your wallets. Life is not beautiful. Life is ugly.