It happened.

No, I didn’t get any photos of those adorable baby foxes! Ugh! They evade me like the plague. -_- They hear us or see us coming from about 100ft away and we see them dart into the tree pile and don’t come out. We literally sat outside a good distance away but still able to see if they come out for an hour and a half and nothing. We put out leftover pork chops and nope. They wait for us to leave now. Ugh! I’m only catching glimpses of them myself now. That first day all four sat outside their home and played and ate with is sitting 20ft away and now they don’t come out at all.

Oh well, I love them and can’t  help but want to see them.


Anyway… But yeah. The blow up I had been waiting to happen finally happened last night.

My husband, Nathan, is one who keeps his emotions inside. Well, emotions other than happy or mad. Sad he keeps deep down. And the stress of getting things out of the house and get everything in order before the funeral Saturday…finally got to him…and guess who it was all directed at.


A lot happened and I don’t  want to write the whole thing, but it happened as we were getting things out of the house.  There was a painting I asked if he wanted the other day. Big eagle painting. He said no he didn’t want that.  Last night he came down the stairs with it and I asked why he grabbed it if he didn’t want it.

That was all it took. He started screaming at me that he wants it now and he’s sick of my attitude, which I didn’t even have one I was quiet all day and wrapping the China in newspaper and putting it into boxes. Then he was yelling about how my nom and sister are saying they want a bunch of stuff of HIS mom’s. “Everyone WANTS WANTS WANTS.”  Well… He was selling these things online anyway and no one was biting for an old antique sewing machine and my sister was going to pay him for a few cast iron skillets. 

And I just stood there staring at him like what the hell. He actually scared me because he started breaking things. He ended up breaking the China hutch. Threw some things, including his phone and he was swearing every other word. I get why because of all the frustrations built up, but he had directed it all at me. 

He shoved me into the car when we were leaving and then started speeding through town going 50 in a 25 mph zone. That freaked me out.

Just a lot happened. It took over an hour for him to finally settle down. He somewhat apologized, but it didn’t feel very sincere. He was still pissy when he said it. My anxiety was so bad, but when he’s like that I can’t have a breakdown because he asks why I’m crying for. Like….really fuckhead? You don’t know????

So I kept really quiet did whatever shit I needed to get done so he’d just be quiet and calm down. After he did and we got everything inside, he acted like nothing even happened. Was trying to be lovey dovey and I wasn’t gonna have that.  Didn’t even say anything, just went to sit in the shower and that’s when I broke down and had my anxiety attack. Ugh. I hate suppressing mine because I feel like I’m having a heart attack the whole time and I can’t go anywhere and calm down because it happens when I’m in stressful situations. Well, it came on in the shower so I sat and cried in the shower and waited till the water ran cold to leave. Then I went to bed. Ugh.

Today though, I got up and it was my dad’s”step dads” 61st birthday so I made him a carrot cake and lasagna stuffed shells and manicotti. And got him a bottle of crown royal. I never got to see him because he didn’t get off work until 8pm and didn’t get home till 8:45. So I just dropped it off and went to work. I called mom and she said he was happy for it but he was so tired he just went straight to bed. 

Bleh. It was a stressful past few days and I’ve been giving Nate the cold. *sigh* 



Night journalers!

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