As I write each word with care, pouring out what I feel is there. I could just sip my tea, but why not share. Keeping things inside to myself is what caused the woe of me.

Everything was pretty boring today. Although I am totally losing it. When your GPA has always been high people set up all these extra obligation and expectations and assign them to you. And then they hit you with the line that sounds a little like this, ” You’re  different and I see great things in you, you can make something of yourself.” I’m almost positive that would be the last thing out their mouths if they knew me like the way I’ve been getting to know myself.
Everything was boring, and now I think I might be involved in someone else’s tea. It’s kind of sad because I don’t even like tea a lot and this is my least favorite kind, hot. And I’ve stayed out of drama for so long but somehow my name got thrown in the mix. They’re pouring scorching hot water on me. Not to worry though tomorrow I’m going to show them how mature I can be about handling my own. Or maybe I’ll lose it and snap, nah that doesn’t sound like me at all.
I was seriously contemplating wether or not I should tell my ex happy birthday. This isn’t really that big of a deal but he tends to take things the wrong way and he loves to start rumors about me and I’m just not. I think that soon my drama free record is going to be ruined and part of me actually doesn’t mind. The thing is I forgot to contemplate seriously and today is the day. I was just gong to do it based off of the events of the day, and tbh I wasn’t going to until I got a letter from my past self.
It said;
Dear Me,
If you remember what today is than shame on you!
I don’t really think I should send a reminder to you of what today is so hopefully by then you’ve forgotten completely. I don’t want to dig up old pains and wounds but it’d be pretty messed up if u didn’t tell your ex happy birthday. Even tho I’m pretty sure he won’t bother to forget your day. You should always be the bigger person and tell him happy birthday anyways. But only if he remembers your birthday which is very unlikely because even when u were dating he forgot your birthday. He always forgot the little stuff and u always seemed to remember. I think what you need to do today is make yourself smile. He always did love to see u smile. It really sucks to know that an entire friendship got thrown away just because of a failed relationship. And really can we even consider it that, it was only one month and 9 days. I’m not even sure if it is worthy of the name infatuation anymore. But you know it was good but the boys in my future are most likely better. I honestly just want another relationship to fill the void he left but boys don’t just tell me they like me everyday. Ugh why do people have to be so shy. I might say yes, especially if I’ve crushed your ego a couple of times and other girls think u r cute but u only show interests in me. All of this is so pointless. I can’t believe it’s been 5 months and a day since the day we separated. I don’t really know if I’ll ever even be able to really talk to him again. Life sucks ass sometimes. 
The past you
This was from like January, I believe. I was a total train reck and over what? It seems like nothing now but it was everything then. He once told me that revenge was stupid and that stayed with me because it opened my eyes to how common revenge was in my life. There is this song by Xxxtentacion called Garette’s Revenge aka Broken Heart. It has a few names. But the point is it just reminds me of that. Somehow I can’t help but feel that everything that happened between us at the end was my payback for all the times I’d crushed his ego or low key hurt his feelings. I often say stupid shit I don’t mean.
My favorite part of the lyrics is… nvm I like the whole song 
I’ve dug 2 graves for us my dear
Can’t pretend that I was always perfect leaving you in fear
Oh man what a world of things I hear, if I could act on my revenge now, would I?
Some kill, some steal, some break your heart
And you thought that I would let it go,
And let you walk
That’s the main part of it, you get the point. Although, I like the intro even more.
I think, I think I’ve finally found a way to forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Forgiveness is the first step right? Do you agree?
I forgave myself it’s just a matter of forgiving everyone else.

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