it is as if everything is now only beginning to sink in; endless questions circling my mind, beginning to make the room spin.
how did we even get to this point? why the sudden change of emotions? what happened to the possibility of us being together? did you just want to make me fall for you, but never really intended to choose me? was I just your latest conquest, suitable for your then current mood, but became too bland for your own liking?
who lacks what? was it me? was it you?
it wouldn’t be this confusing, nor would it hurt this much if I had all the answers. if only you had cared enough to explain, but you didn’t- you don’t. you just started acting as if things between us never really took place. so here I am, starting to question if I imagined everything. but if I did, why do I feel like part of me is missing?
do you still remember all the nights we stayed up to the early hours of the morning talking? I was a mess, and you were there wanting to slowly declutter my life. I was hesitant to even give you a chance to try, but you assured me that fixing me was the last thing on your mind. “you don’t fix someone who was honed by experience, you make that person realize how much he’s grown.”
you told me you just wanted me to see myself from your eyes. you said you just wanted me to realize that I am worth someone’s while, and as cautious as I may be with my heart, I slowly opened my door for you and let you in. was that a mistake? maybe it was. maybe I should not have even answered you. perhaps I should have ran in the opposite direction.
you always said it’s was not hard to love me; you yourself were easy to love. but then you suddenly became aloof. I started to backtrack. what was it that made you into the person I could hardly recognize?
were you even bothered that you left me hurting?
are you even aware that you left me hurting?
I want to keep my hopes, convincing myself there is still someone out there who’s willing to believe and see how wonderful love really is.
that’s how I saw you. that’s what I thought you were.
to be honest, I don’t even know why I’m still waiting to get any answers from you. I may be foolish, but I’m not dense. you being indifferent already says it all.
we all deserve an explanation, even if it’s not the one we want to hear. whatever happened along the way, I hoped you would just have the guts to tell me.
a closure wouldn’t hurt.
so next time, I only ask that you please do not deprive someone of that.
closure leads to clarity, and clarity lightens a heavy heart.
that’s the least you could have given me after all you’ve put me through