one thing many people will never understand is that you cannot just replace people. you cannot substitute a body and think everything is going to be instantly better. maybe it’s so easy for you, but for me? getting under someone new only makes me want under you.
heartbreak is the uncontrollable swinging between feeling everything with exposed nerves and feeling nothing at all. you feel the gut-wrenching all encompassing pain that forces you to cry out. the feeling that nothing, ever again, in your entire life will ever be the same; how could it? your person… the one person you loved and trusted more than anything, chose to not be part of the next chapter in your lifestory. you cannot help but hear them in a song that comes on the radio as you make your commute to work. you see them with a quick glance of a stranger crossing the street wearing that very same dress you knew they also owned.
you see them more as the alcohol reaches your lips, sip after sip, shot after shot. everyone’s mere attempts at convincing you that “there are other fish in the sea”.
you cannot help but wonder what they are doing at this very minute; is it as hard for them as it is for you?
after feeling so much, the heart inevitably gets tired; tired of seeing remnants everywhere you go and everything you do. tired of wrapping your heart up in a band-aid so tight that you’re unable to breathe. it is then that you feel… numb. you slowly freeze, hardening. all the little bits and pieces of memories don’t hurt you as much. sure, you notice them, but you accept them and let them bounce off your new hardened exterior.