WHAT HAS HE DONE TO ME??

Its been along couple of days. Im apart of the na program and im a recovering heroin addict. Life as i know it has been hard. some days i just wanna give up, but i dont because now i have reasons to live. I went to jail in january. And i got out in March. i spent 2 months at a treatment facility for recovering woman. It was called RASUW. Ive suffered a great deal to be sober, as I have a family at home and two little girls.. I dont really know why I used Heroin. But i guess i was hiding and in pain. Ive been through so much. The father of my children used to beat me up. and call me names.. Im mentally, emotionally, and physically messed up.. He cheated on me and treated me so badly, that the only way i could numb the pain was by using.. I hated my life and i wanted to die. I felt as if nothing i ever did was ever gonna be enough. I was useless. Or so thats how he made me feel.. I sill think about waht hes done to me.. And the sad part is that i still love him just alittle.. I spent 8 ears of my life trying to be someone he wanted me to be. And when i did things wrong i got punished. He slept with my friends. And then blamed me for it. Ive lived and almost died for a man who didnt care for the space i took up or the air i breathed. that alone is the most hurtful. Just writing this, Im pained. I feel sick and worthless.. But today im fighting for my life.. Ive been sober for 6 months, and its a battle i fight very single day and night. Im just wondering if what hes told and said about me is true.. AM i somebody?? AM i worthy of someones love?? Is my life even important?? Today he doesn’t call or try to reach out even for his children. I wish he would just do us all a favor and give up his rights..  I DONT HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY. i DONT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE.. Regardless if what he says about me is true or not. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.. EVER. because i deserve happiness. And i deserve love.. I want that. Im such a prude for believing his and my own lies.. WHO AM I? WHAT HAVE I DONE? Ill tell you what ive done. I stuck a needle in my arm because i couldn’t deal with my life or the person in it who caused me so much pain. I’ve stayed up so many nights questioning my existence. crying for God knows what.. Today i live my life for me.. What he did to me is completely unforgivable. And im going to be a work in progress for a long time.. SO what exactly has he done to me?? HE MADE ME STRONGER. A FIGHTER, AND STILL A LOVER, Someone who will not give up because a man told her too.. IM the one who survived agaisnt all odds.. And for that i thank my God everyday.. Its been a long journey but it doesnt stop here… Im jsut getting started.. 

Leave a Comment:

SCROLL TO TOP