Wednesday May 31

So aggravated. Ugh. I started the day happy. Actually feeling happy- even through lunch, I still felt happy. And then. The stupid meeting after school where one of my little teachers tossed me under the bus. Ouch. She said they had no one to model questioning in science for them. She doesn’t consider me a fucking science teacher. The little one does, and gets a lot of benefit from it. I know she thinks she is superior to me and thinks she is smarter than all of us. She has it made because the AP has a mad crush on her. She will always win. She is always going to get the best schedule and she is always going to get things tilted in her favor. I was very hurt. The little one took up for me, though. This issue is the number one reason I don’t want to work there next year. It really is. Even more than worrying about the principal being unfair or whatever. She doesn’t know the content as well as I do and she will not accept correction when she’s wrong. She thinks she knows everything. I would like to talk to the principal about the whole issue. I don’t know if there’s any reason to or if he would just go directly to the AP and rat me out. 

Trey friended and messaged me today on FB. Ugh. I don’t know why, but that also makes me really sad. He has that fucking girlfriend still, but wants to talk to me. It makes me feel bad. It hurts me that he wants to talk to me and he used to want to see me, but keep the fucking girlfriend. Like I am not good enough to be anything but the side piece. Fuck that. Fuck him. If I had saved all his messages, I could have sent them to blondie and fucked up his game. Lucky for him I delete everything. 

I have been really active on OKC the past couple of days. The Navy guy in addition to Trey- the Navy guy actually reminded me of Trey so even weirder he contacted me today out of the blue- have made me feel even lonlier. I don’t know what happened with the Navy guy. I am scared Deedra told him to like me because she feels sorry for me- that he really liked her but she told him he should hit on me. That would be humiliating. I’m scared she did that. He did buy her a drink. I don’t know why I have such a hard time finding someone. I don’t think Christine is prettier than me, but she dates a lot more than I do. She is much better at it. I wish I could just meet a boy in a bar or in person somewhere. I hate internet fucking dating. 

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