When Pavlov Wept

(Notice: don’t play the song in public. If u’re f*** word-sensitive, don’t play it at all!)

Recently, I had this (somehow interesting) conv. :
-what kindda place r u lookin’ 4?
-see that curb? I’ll willingly spend my nights and days there if cops or other bad people don’t come after me!
The moment I said it, the naked truth seemed striking to me. Even for someone who thinks cops are worse than rapers, thieves and murderers, it was a shocking self-confrontation: “I’m really scared of those creatures!”
So, a dummy test was designed by my always-looking-for-a-proof mind. A set of pictures including cops with different uniforms was picked randomly using a combination of Bing and Google. The purpose was examining what I could imagine exactly after I saw them. Miserably alone in my dorm-lab, I had a difficult time in evaluating my own fear and hatred. Yet penicillinly, I noticed that I could only (and only) remember cop-esque faces and clothes. No matter what they were doing, killing, hitting, dragging, yelling or simply smiling and bowing in front of … you know, I barely could describe other elements of the pictures.
Then, I was about to cry, for it’s terrifying to be scared more than a beaten dog, of people whose paychecks are paid by you!
Now, I’m looking for solutions. For comfort and oblivion. I don’t want a bunch of green ghosts to haunt me for the rest of my life. It’s pathetic! Enough is enough. So, I put some steps as goals to achieve, and you’re gonna laugh since you’re sane:
* Looking at them and keep walking when they infest everywhere (” You didn’t do anything wrong, just breathe!”).
* Calling 110 next time someone attacks me in streets, alleys or wherever.
* Saying: Good morning, officer! To an officer, of course ( for starter, a younger and less decorated one).
* Hugging a female officer while she’s trying to arrest me (someone with less mustache).

I’m gonna fail, you know. Even writing this crap shakes my hands and makes my heart pump like a sparrow’s.
“You do it right and repetitive, then the dog’s saliva is going to be always running after hearing the bell. This is conditioning, dear Tolochinov!”

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