Official Count Down

Official countdown, June 2, 2017, I have one week to I leave. No interviews. No place to land, but I have some money saved up. Hopefully, the no job and homeless will be an advantage in this situation. Scared. Yes. Excited. Definitely. I keep thinking I am going to have a normal life for my children. Whatever normal is – I guess I want a safe place to live with a happy family. Is that too much to ask for. I want certain people to leave me alone and not find me. I don’t mind if others. I want a fulfilling job where I can provide for my family. I want good friends nearby so I don’t have to drive forever to talk to someone or hang out. I want my children to be happy, mentally and physically and not worry about the basics of life. Why not? How am I different from most where I always have to walk up hill. I have to be careful down this path and do it right. keep costs down, pay off my car and save money so that I can get my own place (before the age of 60 *laugh*) A nice partner would be nice who is good for my children. A person who respects me and I respect him. A person who is smart and funny, who doesn’t resent me for who I am. I can be the real Joan and not feel bad about my natural self I really am quite harmless, I do mess with people but that is only after they mess with me. It is not appreciated for sure. I try to be as respectful as possible and positive. I am my own worst enemy though, I know I am. I place doubt in my mind and undermine myself. I am sure I am making mistakes along the way. Just yesterday I quit a perfectly good job to travel down an unknown path – with children. I am sure my ex-mother in law would gladly place that in front of a court to prove my bad mothering. She can’t get me on script abuse or drug use. She has tried, I swear I take my meds as prescribed, no prior or current drug use. I don’t know why people don’t believe me – I am goofy at times, but I think it is more lack of sleep. After a point, my quirks are known and there shouldn’t be any surprise as to my reaction at times. I am trying harder to be more ‘normal’ and not react to the stupidity around me. If someone wants to walk off of a cliff I will let them.

It is only 10:24 p.m., I have finished my work load and I am here till 4 a.m. This is going to be a long night!

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