Three small boxes are still too much — There’s not enough space in this room. She thinks to herself. It is the third time she thinks of how to fit those clothes, dresses, books and soft toys into smaller, fewer boxes. It will be the most ideal result if she can walk into the room without noticing their existence.
“It is very hard, Lisa, very hard. No you don’t know! George does not give us a single dime, Cathy and I have been living in this studio for three fucking years since we divorced. I have no free time, I hang out with no one, and I’ve got no space here because of the fucking kid! Sometimes I really don’t like her. I mean just look at her sitting there! She does not look like a normal child!”
“I’m not crazy! Don’t call me that! Why don’t you understand? You’re suppose to be my friend!”
“Yeah of course you think I’m insane you stupid blonde. You’re living a perfect life! What do you know about real suffering? I used to, Hey I haven’t finished! Fuck you bitch!”
She throws away the phone, it hits an empty wine bottle and makes a crispy sound.
That sound echos in her mind. It was the same kind of sound seven years ago that made her so happy. Just a regular crazy college night out with a couple of beers and random friends. Lights were mesmerizing and she felt young and careless. Everybody thought she was cool to hang around with because she got no string attached on her. She did everything upon her will at any time, and she enjoyed the independence and solitude.
“Those days are never coming back.” She whispers.
It’s four o’clock in the afternoon. She was suppose to pick up Cathy at 3: 40, but she feels no need of going. “She is seven year old and she can fucking walk. What can she do in the real world if she cannot even walk herself back to where she lives? I have this overcrowded room to organize.”
This “overcrowded” room is highly unbalanced. She has a big bed on one side of the room facing a relatively decent TV. Besides her bed is a medium-sized makeup desk that was covered with all brands of make up bottles. Next to the full shower bathroom is a walk-in closet full of her clothes. She likes dresses. It makes her feel young and carefree. On the other side of the room, however, a very small child-size bed is squeezed between the corner of the room and three ugly boxes. That’s Cathy’s corner. She purchased the bed for Cathy a month ago because she finally cannot tolerate the size of her body. It was growing bigger everyday and she felt her space is being squeezed. The three boxes contains all of Cathy’s stuff. She still trying to make them smaller and smaller.
“They make the room feel so crowded. Or I hope they can just disappear.” She thinks. “Oh my god, that’s a nasty thought! You have to cut this. This life is driving you insane!”
To stop thinking of the idea she just came up with, she starts to think of food. She walks into the kitchen. She wants spaghetti, steak and wine for a nice dinner. “Cathy does not like spaghetti. What kind of kid does not like spaghetti? Whatever I only have enough for one adult anyways. She can settle for some cereal or whatever is left in the fridge.”
She starts to cook dinner.
Time passes. It is five o’clock now and Cathy still hasn’t came home.
“This fucking kid is getting more and more ridiculous everyday! It is an hour walk! Is she really as stupid as I think she is? I really hope she is out of my fucking life.”
She goes out of the kitchen to pick up the phone. She dials a number.
A slow, old voice came through from the other side of the phone. “Hey my darling, how are you?”
“Hey Mom, can you take care of Cathy for the weekend? I need to be out of town with a couple of friends on a trip.”
“Oh darling … you have to get over this. I have been telling you for the pass one month, she died in a car accident.”
“My daughter is not dead!”She shouted to the phone, “Can you stop telling me this again and again? She is walking back from school right now. It takes a little while because she has been a stupid girl for her entire life! If you do not want to take care of her, just say so! You don’t need to use this obvious lie as an excuse!”
She puts down the phone and went back into the kitchen. She’s more mad at Cathy than she had ever been.
“If you cannot even come home on time, why don’t you just get out of my fucking life?”
For anyone who might be confused by the story: The main character’s daughter Cathy died from a car accident a month ago. However, she loves her daughter too much to accept the tragic fact. She acts like she is a bad mom for two reasons: 1. She is trying to push her daughter out of her life by trying to dislike Cathy; 2. Part of her is really mad at Cathy for being dead. Which explained a lot of behaviors of the main character.