I never feel wanted. Constantly a burden. No matter what I say or do I feel like I bother everyone. They tell me they love me and that they’re proud of me, but I feel like they’re lying. Just trying to make me feel better. I hate feeling this way. It makes it easier to disobey them and break the rules, I guess. I have some rough history with the people closest to me, which makes it EXTREMELY hard to be nice to them and listen to them. I don’t know what to think about everything. I’m constantly fighting. Fighting a war against my own mind. It gets to the point where I hurt. Physically hurt because of the things going through my head. I HATE liars and fakers. But my mind makes me look at everyone as if they’re lying to me or pretending to like me. As if everyone is out to hurt me.
From the years of mental abuse I think that same person is always here. Like he even knows what I’m thinking. I never feel safe. I never feel happy. My mind is going crazy right now. I’m almost in tears.
From my own mind.. Because if anything in this life kills me, it’ll be the horrifying truth behind the Wars in my own head.