an ode to the sleepless nights

This is an ode to you.

the sleepless nights

the tear stained skin

the so much crying I cant breathe

the silent gasps for air.

this is an ode to the sleepless nights.

For when my only comfort was found in the echoes of my gasps and the steady pace from the fish tank. When the only comfort I found was the feeling of my own hand clenching my chest begging to breathe. To the coping mechanisms that I developed on my own.

For when I reached a hand out into the dark looking for anything to grab on to. For the time I took one too many painkillers. For when my doctor started catching on to me. For when my mom caught a glimpse of my arm.

This is an ode to destruction. The chaos, the debris, the tears, the clenched fists, the outbursts, the holes in my wall, the bruised knuckles, the blood flow. This is an ode to myself. The headstrong, the willing, the powerful, the never backing down.

This is an ode to the bounce back. When I clean up the mess I made myself into. For the nights I reach out into the empty room grabbing for someone and grasping on to myself.

This is an ode to the sleepless nights and the daydreams.

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