I had a moment of weakness and sent you a message. It had been 7 months since we made contact and you harshly replied to me to stop contacting you. I was humiliated and angry. For months following our official split, you would subtly like my pictures on social media and view my pages on LinkedIn. I felt like you were trying to reach out to me, but couldn’t fully because you were trapped in settling for this other woman. You had to stay because of your girls and I knew that, but you jumped into another relationship because you needed a distraction to numb your pain. In the end of our affair you lost weight, had moved in with your mom, and couldn’t stand the pain of watching me carry on with my life. I cracked one day and had to confess, but I was trapped 300 miles away with no way out. I told my husband. I told him everything and told him I wanted a divorce. I sat and watched a grown man cry like a baby and I felt so much pain for what I had done to him and you both, that I wanted to die. That’s when things changed, all of the sudden you are seeing her, listening to her judgement and holier than thou ideas. She’s just as guilty as I am for allowing you to move into her life as a married man, but she had the nerve to tell me that ‘I needed to go to church’. You wrote to me a day before we stopped contact confessing how much you loved me and how you had made the mistake with her and that it was all out of loneliness for me. I couldn’t blame you, but I couldn’t stop it. I was 300 miles away, trapped, and helpless. Then a day later you told me everything and out of anger, I never wanted to see you again. I felt almost relieved to let you go from all the pain and suffering our ‘relationship’ was causing us both. You lied to me and I knew then, that it was over.
Lifewife is what he called me. My affair almost cost me my marriage, my self respect, and my sanity. This is my outlet to closure because I never received one. This is my journal to recovery and the steps to forgiving myself. Never judge a person before you've walked a mile in their shoes. Love doesn't choose when the time is right or when circumstances are perfect. It can come when you least expect it and it can break you in second.