him and only him

Dear Diary,

I’ve never been in a relationship before. Or, that’s a lie, I was a in a sort of relationship when I was in first grade and it lasted on and off until 5th grade. Pretty long time, to be honest. Nothing that serious though, and I still see him in my home town every now and then. We don’t talk anymore. 

I’ve been very unlucky when it comes to meeting guys. So unlucky that I actually started wondering whether I was a lesbian or just impossible, haha. 

Meeting guys for me is hard, but I’ve had my moments of (extremely) short romances.
There was this one time I met a guy at my summer job that I had at that time, but he turned out to be really.. annoying to be honest. He kept on trying to impress me to the extent that it made me feel utterly useless. He wouldn’t let me pay for my own food, carry my own bag, walk at all… so annoying. He did look a bit like Heath Ledger though, which was nice. Or maybe a puppy version of Heath. 

Fast forward a couple of years, I started having a crush on a guy who quickly became my best friend and who told me he was gay. I’m gonna allow you to laugh here because it sounds like something that only happens in movies. I love him still, but as a brother. 

Then I met this guy at a party. We hit it off pretty well, he was a couple of years older than me. But it didn’t take long before he started annoying me too. He kept asking me every five minutes what I was doing, just because he wanted to talk to me, which is a bit cute, until he does it 500 times a day. Eventually he started to seem very controlling, wanting to know exactly what I was doing and who I was with. But the final straw was this one evening when I’d invited him to hang out at my place with me and my friends to play Cards against humanity. It didn’t feel right at all and all I wanted was for him to leave. Eventually it was only me, him and my other best friend left, and I knew she stayed because I wanted her to. Finally, I told them I was tired and that they should leave, so they did. Shortly after they’d left, I got a text message from him, saying that he forgot something. Classic “I came back and I forgot to kiss you” line. Stupid and curious as I was, I went out and I let him shove his tongue down my throat like I was a washing machine, and pop! My articular bone or whatever it’s called fell out of place and I couldn’t eat properly for weeks until it went back into place with a second pop. Need I tell you that we haven’t spoken since, and I tell this story to my friends when we need  a good laugh? The jaw is still not fixed, and this was several summers ago..

I took a little break there in my boy hunting (not a long one) until I started talking to this dude who was one of my really good friend’s best friend. He was sweet, kind and we hit it off pretty well, until he completely stopped talking to me, until my graduation where he kissed me and I got mad. I was soooo mad. He hadn’t talked with me for months, and he had the nerves to kiss me, on my graduation, in front of fricking everyone. Still makes me a bit mad, especially when I now know that he had one or two other girls that he flirted with besides me at that time. 

Unlucky is just my middle name. 

But then I met this guy, at work. And he’s amazing. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. He’s sweet, caring, he listens to me, and he understands me. We laugh, we kiss, hug and cuddles. And suddenly I know how it’s supposed to feel like. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Like I’m the first choice, not the second, third or fourth. First. Uno, ichi, one, ett, 1. And it’s amazing and beautiful. 

x MsAnonymous

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