I come home from work and he’s in the other room. I go in there, ask him what he did today… he basically jumped down my throat…. So I’m in my room, Vito comes in, him and Randy are whispering. Then he gets mad because he asked me what was wrong and I say how I don’t like the whispering bullshit… why do they do that shit? It’s just us 3 in the freaking house. It’s so disrespectful and what the fuck are they talking about that I can’t know?? I’m so tired of him not working. He let his truck go back after me paying the down payment ($900, he paid 100). He didnt make one fucking payment…. so that’s why he’s not working. Although his buddy, our neighbor let’s him use the car almost every day if he wants it…. just hands over the keys. Now why cant he find a job to go do? He does construction/remodeling work. Every time I’m online looking I see tons of jobs. He just doesn’t look. We’re kicked out of our house, supposed to already be gone and there’s no fucking money to do it. My phones going to die. Gotta post this before I decide not to. There’s so much more to the story….
I am a mother of 2 beautiful, smart girls, Hannah and Lauren. My boyfriend lives here with us and I am completely in love with him. He is 10 years younger than me which fuels my already insure self but it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I have tried to do this online "venting thing" before but I am a huge procrastinator so I never really got in the swing of doing it regularly. I feel like I need some help. Like from strangers. Advice, opinions.... my life is going pretty good these days. I feel very blessed for who and what I have in my life. Yet there is this sence of sadness I feel almost daily. I do have a lot of issues as far as trusting and feeling insecure ect.... I guess because of what I have been through, and no matter how hard I try I cant seem to let that go and keep a fresh open mind for myself and Randy. Or really..... I think I was pretty close but it all kind of fell to pieces when he lied to me the first time (that I know of). And it was a big one. Now on the daily I am catching things and of course some things I am wrong about but mostly right on. I don't want to be right and I don't want to be this person who is constantly doubting what he says or anybody else for that matter. I guess I just don't understand why I ALWAYS get lied to. I told him whatever he does, do not lie to me. And he did. More than once. There are going to be some things that I wish I could say on here but that I can not for reasons of ...... stuff... And by leaving that stuff out no one will truly be able to get the real clear picture of what I am going through, but I will try my best to explain things in the most vague way I can. I love my man and I know he loves me. I love my family and pretty much love my job. Life is good. So I should by happy and enjoy every minute of it that I have left. But I am just not. I have got to get help or get the negative things out of my life in order to be at peace, I think. I want to know what you think.