I know I’ve missed a lot of days but this is going to be my day five and today, on a scale of 0 to 10, I’m a one or a two. I got so angry at another girl at work and when I get angry like that, the cravings to drink become very strong because I’m just searching desperately for a way to calm myself down. I’m outside taking a break and smoking, I called my husband and I’m putting it out there that I’ve now entered the time period where relapses happen. My lack of anger management is a big issue for my sobriety and it gets worse when I drink anyways so alcohol is not a solution in this case. I’m also overworked and sleeping poorly and letting my eating disorder get the best of me and worrying too much about money and not letting myself rest; I’m not doing anything healthy for myself right now other than calling myself out. I guess that’s one thing I wouldn’t have done in the past; tell on myself to keep myself from drinking. I don’t want to drink today. That’s my only goal.
My name is Jessica and I work as a CNA. I am 32, married with no children and we have four cats. We have been married for eight years but together for much longer. I am currently in school for my masters degree as an MFT and only have about a year left. I am also a struggling alcoholic which is why I wanted to start this journal in the first place to see if it would help with my sobriety.