Trust

My history of relationships have been an adventure of learning only to not grasp the reality of the lesson. My first real relationship was 6yrs and it was with a verbally abusive tweaker. Not all bad since I walked away with a beautiful daughter. Next in line would be the pathalogical liar, which lasted 5yrs. To this day I seriously wonder how it lasted as long as it did since just hearing his voice gets my blood boiling and instaniously I am annoyed! Now is my current alcoholic/drug addict/liar/verbally abusive/father of our 2 girls who has left me in a state of anxiety. I linked some things together. Us Borderlines are paranoid all the time especially within our relationships and ones that have had deceit buried in them. Trust is earned not given away, and with no trust creates the paranoia which in turns leads to PTSD. My boyfriend is constantly getting upset that I don’t trust him even though he has been clean and sober for 3months, and 6months before that. I hate I don’t trust him because I find myself sneaking to catch him or thinking he is doing wrong which only creates a barrier and destroys the relationship. I feel this is going to end terribly as it always does for people like me. “We all choose the paths we walk, it’s knowing the outcome of your choice and seeing what’s at the end of the road that allows you to grow.”

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