It is 11:30 pm and I should be sleeping but yet again I am wide awake thinking about 100 different things at the same time.
I used to have an online diary many moons ago but stopped using it as I honestly thought that it was a waste of time after a while. Now I know that I was wrong as I have soo many things running through my head and with no one around who can relate or understand, I needed to get it out somehow.
The past year has been a huge roller coaster in every aspect, physically, mentally and emotionally. I moved to a new area to start afresh thinking it would help me. Leaving behind memories both good and bad, friends and moving further away from family.
The decision to move happened really quickly. During a roadtrip in the USA, I was sat next to Niagra Falls and it just popped into my head. Crazily enough the move was very quick indeed and I actually felt more happy during the planning phase, more than being anxious.
I chose an area which I was sort of familiar with, basically an ex gf lived in the area and it seemed to be okay. House prices were not bad and I made a plan to pay off the mortgage faster. Something else was also pulling me to the area but I had no idea what that was at the time. Finding a place only took a week. I stumbled across this particular property by mistake. It was over the budget I set but I arranged a viewing. As soon as I walked into the place I knew it was the one and placed an offer there and then which was accepted. Why it was the one, I had no idea at the time.
Move in was great, worked almost like a military operation albeit an hour behind. Moving was not stressful for me at all. I was in my element, making sure all services were set up the same day I moved in as well as lots of bits and pieces being delivered on time. Had a close friend/old flatmate come over after work to help me unpack. We completed the unpacking by the end of the weekend which was great.
I met my neighbours who seemed nice. At the time I didnt really notice them as much as I was focused on unpacking and making sure my cat was okay as it was her first move.
However over time I started talking to the neighbour over the fence. It made me laugh at first, something like out of the 80’s. In my last place I hardly spoke to any of my neighbours. I suppose living in a busy built up area, people do not really have time for each other. It was summer time and we would spend hours chatting away about any and everything. She was probably easier to talk to because she did like to drink, bless she was soo funny.
What was crazy is that we became very close within a very short period of time. I felt that I could tell her things and she would listen. It was also weird initially that her husband didnt have an issue with me talking to his wife all night long. Turns out he was over the moon as it meant that he could play video games and not have to worry about sharing the TV or having to talk to her.
Moving to an area of which I knew no one, well I knew my ex gf but we had not seen or spoken to each other for years, I thought was going to be a tad daunting. To my surprise, I felt at ease very quickly which I put down to my neighbours friendliness and interactions. It really did help me, much more than the broken promises of ‘friends’ who said that they were going to visit and then cancelled at the last minute. You certainly realise who your friends are when you make a big change in your life. I wasnt very surprised to be honest, just really disappointed.
I suppose that it is partly my fault, as I have spent all my life helping others and not thinking about myself. Thinking about how the people I have helped has been uplifting and rewarding in soo many ways. But I knew that I would only be a blip in their lives, helping them in times of need and letting them flourish and move on. It has put a great smile on my face to see them live happier lives now. I rarely stay in contact with those I have helped now as I want them to move on rather then linking me to a dark time of there lives.
Rarely do or have I opened myself up to someone. Being a helper, I am not used too receiving help myself.