2 am thoughts

I feel pretty content with my life as of right now, in this moment.

I had a major breakdown the other night–the night that I made this. It required lots of tears and screaming. I ended up staying the night at my friends house afterwards though. Sometimes I just need to get the hell out of this house.

Anyway, I am currently with my friend, still. She is currently asleep. We have been together for 3 nights in a row. I don’t mind her company. She keeps me going and on my toes. She is definitely my rock. She knows exactly how to make me laugh and how to get on my last nerve. Her family is like my second family. We’ve been friends for 3 1/2 years. We’ve been through so much together. I really love my friends.

I got a ukulele yesterday! I am pumped. It’s very easy to use. I think my guitar skills have helped me excel at the uke. Music has always been my choice of expression. I express my emotions and feelings through rhythm and words. Music makes me think. It takes me to another world, where everything is groovy. Not dance wise, but the mindset. There’s no anxiety or depression. Just expression, whether that’s love, happiness, sadness, or anger. You can express any emotion or thought through music. It’s the greatest feeling in the world to find yourself lost in the rhythm. Loud music is preferred.

I have been thinking a lot about love recently. I am reading a book called After, and it’s basically about this sweet, innocent girl who goes to college and falls in love with someone the total opposite. Reading helps distract me from my own too intense feelings and social media. I am glad that it keeps me away from social media. Social media makes me sad. I  feel a lot healthier now that I have taken a step away from it. I have deleted one of my instagram accounts and rarely go on twitter. It’s a great feeling to be disconnected from the online shit.

Although, social media has helped me build and strengthen friendships. Most of the friendships I build on there are only online friendships (since everyone nowadays, including myself, is too afraid to hold an actual conversation). I can thank snapchat for that. Snapchat is where you can get real and personal and actually talk to people. I have made multiple relationships through there–romantic relationships and just friendly relationships.

Social media has also helped me stay connected with the news. It just sucks that it’s so influential. None of us really have our own thoughts… We kind of just form our “own” opinions based on what we see online. And, what we see online is only half of the story. An example: politics. The majority of my family members on my mother’s side are republicans, and they talk very highly of our president, Trump. But, the internet only talks about the shitty things Trump says and does. They never highlight any of the “good”. I am not saying Trump is good, nor am I saying he’s bad, but I would’ve never known anything other than the bad that the media zooms in on. It really kind of sucks.

I am going to do song recommendations at the end of every entry. I have a very broad and weird music taste. 

So, the song of the entry is On The Bus Mall by The Decemberists. It’s a very chill song. Not sad, necessarily, but just kind of easygoing. I haven’t really listened to it much, but I heard it earlier and added it to my playlist, so it must be good. 

I am going to log off for now. Thank you for reading and listening to my 2 am thoughts. 


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