There is no Day 11 or Day 12 in my Remembrance Journal. I’ve been busy and tired and really….I haven’t felt like writing and haven’t had any memories. I reflected at yoga tonight, asking myself where they’ve gone, why there is dark space in my thoughts.
The truth is, I’ve been avoiding memories, maybe even pushing them away from my thoughts. Pushing them away because, at this time in June, my memories become dark and sad. June 15 is the day that forever changed my life, my family’s lives, my dad’s life.
My subconscious mind takes off on its own and I find myself sad, tired, tearful. Yesterday, I had overwhelming sadness and tears, some brought on by remembrance, some a private sadness; which I won’t journal about because it is mine to know and find peace with; to keep inside my heart for now.
As for this time of the year, I will let the tears flow when they need, sleep when my body tells me and smile when I know I am ready. It gets better, it takes practice, my heart will be at peace again soon and the memories will come back with a smile and hug.