Dear You

 Dear Journal, 

On Sunday, I attended my God-daughter’s birthday party. It is a big deal. She has turned 8. Since I have never been there for her growing up, just only a trophy aunt during birthday parties (who shows up late), I thought that this would be a great opportunity to make up for lost time by attending her surprise birthday early. At the same time, I didn’t want to be the “single” aunt, so I asked to bring my guy friend along to help me. He has been helping me ever since my man of 12 years let me go, a couple days ago. 

The party was great. We showed up on time because, well my guy friend is always early. In that way, he kept me accountable. We surprised Bella and she was very happy. Needless to say, she kinda knew about her birthday before hand because her grandma accidentally left her cell out on the open for viewing. 

But, one thing that became quite apparent to me, was the song choices that were chosen in the birthday party play list. Every song that played, reminded me of my man of 12 years. I can’t say that he is an ex…. because I still have deep feelings for him. Because of our unfavorable circumstances, it was best for this moment to let me go. He never did anything wrong, more like the universe was saying, “Hey, its really not time yet and if you do decide to meet, it will cause more trouble.”

 

My guy friend has been very nice to me in taking me out. He most definitely is not my man of 12 years, well except maybe his brain or intellect, but he is decent. As it seems that I should be closer to him, there is a barrier between our connection, well because my heart still is with my old flame. 

Every song that played reminded me of the feeling of moments, and suddenly, I had forgotten what was going on around me with focus on the songs. I can hear him singing. I miss him. I know that I can’t be with him right now, we have too much pains to fix. Regardless of this, I feel His Love in Every Song. 

 

I had told my guy friend certain things about me and he understands where he stands in my life. For some reason, he wants to tag along with me. Maybe I help him somehow too. All I know is that whatever we have, its not serious. We respect each other and he knows He can’t hold on to me. I feel it won’t last long, not because I don’t like him, but well for one thing.. im a little bit older than him despite his very mature mindset and I got a job interview to leave my current job, where I met him. 

What I am just living by right now, is to be kind. My old flame’s birthday is coming up soon. I think I want to send something. 

 

-Moon River Song

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