Columbia City, Seattle. In a theater where finalists of a karaoke competition dazzled the audience with inspiring performances, I sat only mildly interested. My concentration was half stolen by the person sitting next to me – Sekai. You see, exactly two weeks ago, Sekai and I had broken up. After a year of dating, we were no longer a couple. How strange it is to reflect upon this.
Well, what happened? I broke up with her because I couldn’t love her anymore. We shared amazing memories and I have no feud with her. The harsh reality was that my love was not sustainable when I was being pulled in opposite directions while trying to support both family and relationship. It tore me to shreds to let Sekai go. However, I needed to sort out the priorities of my life amid a family crisis.
That crisis came about when I discovered that my father was cheating on my mother last summer… He had been doing so, lying in plain sight, for the past decade or more. Anger, disbelief, sadness, helplessness, and fear for the future are present in our minds. Mother is battling depression all-the-while fighting for her justice. Sister is exhausted from the overwhelming immorality and irrationality of this situation as she pushes to help mother through it all.
Truth be told, I have taken the back seat in very real conflict for the longest time. I pushed it aside for the past year by prioritizing medical school and finding escape in the sweet indulgence of my lover. I learned a lot about independence and how to care and love someone during this time. Regrettably, it was at the expense of heartache and loneliness of my immediate family. How much longer can I put them through this torment alone! It is time to find my place as head of this family and mend their broken hearts.
My eyes welled up with tears explaining this logical and inevitable decision with Sekai that one night as we both had our hearts broken. The love we had shared was the most beautiful thing that we had come to know. Goodbye my best friend… Goodbye my love… She whispered into my ear as we lamented till morning. The feeling of loss crept into my heart and bleed tears for days.
Now here we were, sitting side by side, at a concert supporting a mutual friend. I felt more uneasy than the first time we met after the break up. Then, she had a purpose to host a successful art show. But this day, she seemed lost. How is she managing? Did she have dinner? How is she getting back home? I struggled with these internal questions not knowing how to ask. Furthermore, I did not know how to answer her. “What do you want me to do Tanooki..?” My mind was a dust cloud. Will some of these questions forever go unanswered?
Fortunately, it did not take that long to work something out. Because the next day, I had to drive Sekai home. We sat in her bed and had honest, open conversation about the break up and our future. She respects and understands my decision. She tells me loves me yet and always will. I have a special place in my heart for her as well. There are no guarantees into future. Absolutely none. The beauty of that is anything is possible. Maybe even a time and place that is better suited for us.
SO I’m letting it all settle down. I’m clearing the murky water to give my family what they deserve and to rest my emotions for my lover – perhaps for a brighter day. Staying on this course is what I need to do. When I focus on the important tasks at hand, I truly believe that destiny will be kind and grant me a chance at true happiness. I’m glad to have the opportunity shape my every single day in this manner. Lets make that dream happen.
Here’s to tomorrow. Cheers!