I’m tired of keeping my thoughts in my head.

This is my first try at something like this, I read somewhere where it can be helpful to put your feelings out there.. so here it goes. I am 22 years old, and have been dealing with anxiety since I was 8 years old. The only memories of my childhood are bad ones. I feel as if I was robbed of my childhood. I wonder how can anxiety stay with you this long? I wonder will it ever get better? Some days are okay days, and some days I want to just give it all up. My anxiety completely takes over my mind and I feel as if I’m going to die. Sometimes thoughts cross my head, like what is the point of living if you feel as if your are going to die on a daily basis anyways? My anxiety makes me go in to panic mode and I cannot control racing thoughts and pounding heartbeats. WHEN WILL IT END? I convince myself I am just going to die, and then it starts all over again. Why? why cant I shake this feeling that has been consuming me since I was a child? why does nothing work? why when I cry out for help no one can hear me? I feel like no one understands what I go through. I have a sister who I am so thankful for because she also, suffers from anxiety. We experience a lot of the same issues, but she is almost 40 and has been dealing with it since she was in her twenties. So then I think, IS THAT WHAT ITS GOING TO BE LIKE FOR ME. Will i be 40 still afraid to live? i want to live and experience life while i can,  i want to see my daughter grow up and not be afraid all the time like me. I don’t ever want her to experience the things that i go through on a daily basis. I want my husband to be happy and content. He says he is, but i feel differently. i feel like my anxiety is affecting our whole relationship. What am i supposed to do? I finally restarted therapy on Friday. I feel comfortable so far with my Doc, he seems to be confident that i will be able to get all of this under control. Lets hope..

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