Mistakes

I’ve been fucking up a lot lately.  I just never learn my lesson.  I wasn’t able to drink lately because I’ve been on antibiotics so yesterday was my first day back to normal and I wanted to go out since I had today off work.  I couldn’t find anyone that wanted to go besides my friend Evan and I made the mistake of going out with just him.  I did that once before and he got weird on me like trying to hit on me and stuff even though I never did or said anything to make him think I’d be interested.  So I thought maybe things would go differently and I even said, “lets go out and meet people.”  So we go to the bar and start drinking and this random guy starts talking to us and he’s about average looking, has braces (yes braces) and somehow reminds me of someone I used to know.  So I feel comfortable with him and he stays with us pretty much the entire night.  I guess I got lazy or scared and just decided he would be a good fit for the night.  I’ve got it in my head that every time I go out I have to get a number.  It’s a weird unsettling habit I’ve developed.  I basically feel like a man.  Turns out he came by himself and lives with his mom.  Yeah red flags up the wazoo but I still live with my parents and I’m 30.  So I kind of understood.  I ended up going home with red flag guy and we had sex for a couple hours.  I ran into his mom on my walk of shame out and she had him introduce me and it was pretty much the most awkward thing ever.  I just couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation.  Evan decides to text me that he’s mad that I’ll “fuck anyone but him.”  I mean I can kind of see his point but at the same time we’re friends and I’ve never led him on in any type of way.  He’s like a brother to me.  One that wants to fuck me.  So already that’s a bunch of mistakes I made.  Another one is the Anthony that was supposed to be dead to me…I ended up seeing again.  Ugh, I’m disgusted with myself but I can’t help it because the sex is just too good.  He said he wanted to make it up to me and actually take me out to dinner.  Laughable but we’ll see.  I don’t have much faith when it comes to him.  So I’ve been making a bunch of fuck ups after I said I wanted to change so yeah things are going pretty great.  I mostly slept my hangover off today and I have to go to a meeting in a little bit.  Other than that I’m just working this week.  I don’t know how awkward it’s going to be with Evan but I’m for certain that our “friendship” is going to be greatly reduced if not gone because of last night.  Maybe being friends with people I work with just doesn’t work for me.  At least he’ll be gone for a week so I won’t have to deal with it until then.  I think I liked sleeping all day today because it beats dealing with reality. 

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