now playing: Grouper — Holding

Every time I think that I am not capable of something, “the thing with feathers” wakes up inside me and leads me through the darkest thoughts and circumstances. Luck is truly on my side, and with her hand on my shoulder I start to believe again. In what — that is a question for the other day.

Falling asleep on the table becomes a habit. Cannot say if good or bad, because the sleep was good and I had meaningful dreams again. Don’t remember them exactly, but the fact of awakening on the table was confusing, because I was surely in some other place in the previous moment. I like being lost in dreams. Each dream is a journey to alternative reality, where I understand different parts of myself better and experience things that might have happened but never actually took place. Yesterday it suddenly came to my mind that on a picture on the Italian’s bookshelf there’s Freud’s “The Interpretation of Dreams” (on his shelf it was “L’interpretazione dei sogni”). I trust there’s some sense in Freud’s works, but I never tried directly reading him. I included this one in my future list, mostly because I always believed that dreams have more meaning than it seems from the first sight, but there have been other matters to research, so I didn’t try digging into it before.

Bought some threads a couple of days ago — finally the decent ones, not the woolen and thick — and made myself a new bracelet. It’s yellow and dark blue. It’s interesting that this particular shade of blue is called “dark sea wave”, though I didn’t notice it when I bought the thread. The yellow one is a classic bright sunny yellow. I was thinking about the Italian when I chose it. I am content with the result of bracelet, because as much as I’ve given it my own symbolic meaning, it also looks like a classic “day and night” or “moon and blue sky” combination. Yellow and deep blue.

I hope Lavish and his Madgirl will go through everything. Watching their friendship fall apart would be upsetting. Me and the Italian came through the same… But not exactly the same. I am still browsing through the websites which sell airplane tickets. The more I got scared by my thoughts, the more I become convinced that I’ll rush one day and fly to Venice. If only my Bill Murray was still waiting for me.

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